Well this is my very first blog….how exciting. I have been meaning to do this for some time. But everything got in the way and when the quiet moments came after having the baby instead of being productive as I planned on being, I just got busy doing other things, so this blog will begin with an 8 month flashback……
I had this great idea to write down some of the things that I know now to remember this first time experience of being a mother. To begin I am eternally thankful and feel highly favored that the Lord chose me to raise this beautiful child. To see this life emerge from my body was the most amazing and overwhelming event I have experienced. That being said there are some realities that are humbling and some wonderful memories that I know I will look back on when cutie smurf is grown and moved on with his life.
Let me recap the whole hospital experience. I like to say that cutie smurf was goal oriented from the womb. The OB/GYN told me that since I had a history of high blood pressure and on two medications there was no way that I would make it to 40 weeks. In addition other people told me that I would definitely deliver by thanksgiving. I listened but I knew that the power of prayer and the awesomeness of God can defy even medical reasoning. You see after my miscarriage I prayed that the Lord to tell me when the timing was right to conceive again. I had set a time based upon my own logic, but God in his wisdom let me know that he had a different timing. So after I received confirmation that I was indeed pregnant each week I went into the doctor’s office with low blood pressure all the way up to the 40th week.
Now, cutie smurf seemed to be a child that wanted to perform within in his own time, not when others wanted to him to perform. During the sonograms they used the buzzer, pushed on my stomach and asked me to flip over in an effort to get him to move. Towards the end while they were monitoring his movements they gave me candy, sugar, and even decided to give me caffeine to get him moving. However it was this last defying act that caused the doctor to send me to the hospital to induce labor in the 40th week.
I have to admit when she said that she was going to put a balloon up there in order to induce labor I had my doubts. It was quite uncomfortable and I would have to spend a whole day with that thing in order to get dilated to 3cm. When they put in the internal monitor it felt like I had all kinds the wires coming out of me. Once the contractions started I did not take the pain medication consistently because I thought some of them were bearable……that was a mistake. Next time I will begin my pain meter with 1 meaning no pain at all. When the doctor came in to check on me I did not take the last pain dosage offered, so it was uncomfortable when she started rummaging around in there like a kid digging through a sand box. After trying to kick start my labor for 24 hours the doctor came with a recommendation to perform a c-section. At the time of the discussion I was focused on what was best my child and agreed to move forward with the surgery considering the possibilities. As they prepped me and my loving husband was there supporting me and holding my hand, I had all the confidence because I did not believe that the Lord had brought me this far to leave me to struggle alone at this critical point. But when they started to wheel me into the operating room I have to admit I had an impulse to brace myself before going through the doors and say wait a minute!
People talk about c-sections like everyday events, but as I rolled into that cold and bright room I realized this is a serious surgery. This woman wants to cut me open and take out a child amongst other things she might disturb. Plus they strap you down like you are on death row. Not to mention that epidural was disturbing to me. Not being able to feel half of your body was not reassuring to a person that liked to be in control. I simply did not even prepare myself that I would be having a c-section. But once they got started and the tugging began it was surreal. When they pulled cutie smurf out I immediately heard him cry and when they lifted him above the curtain for me to see everything else melted away for the moment. I tried to watch them as they were cleaning him and when they walked him out of the room to the nursery. Now the patch up that was needed to close the opening in my abdomen took much longer then I thought. At one point I actually felt the pain so they had to administer more pain medication. So I was numb and highly medicated by the time they finished. In the recovery room they did not bring cutie smurf to me like they said would happen, so I was getting worried. My darling husband was making sure that my hair was brushed as I requested and that they baby was alright.
They moved me over to the post partum section and by this time I really needed to see my baby. This nurse came in talking to me about forms and other stuff at almostmidnight. I did not understand a thing she was talking about ( two days later I found the paperwork and had to ask the nurse to remind me what I was suppose to do). I kept asking where is my baby. When they finally brought him to me I was tired but I just wanted to stare at him and remember him t that moment. I did not want to share him with anyone else. The nurse told us that we would have an hour before we should try to breastfeed for the first time. I don’t know how but I feel asleep only to wake to dear husband standing over me to wake me for the feeding. I was exhausted mentally and physically. He was so tiny and when he cried it sound like the song the smurf’s sing (La la la la la la la la la) plus he had on that hat; hence, I called him my little cutie smurf.